Alas, I find myself in that foreign land that every woman knows is coming, but finds herself completely unprepared for... The undefined span of time between full-fledged motherhood and empty nester. Where piles of laundry, toothpaste-glazed sinks, dirty dishes and wet towels hint that you have children still at home, yet you just rarely see them. Leftovers, once a rarity, now overrun the refrigerator, because my dinner menus are built around a party of 6.
I never thought I would have much to say, let alone blog about. However, finding myself in this unique tick of time, in a quiet house that I once prayed for, fear about this unfilled space of time and curiosity about myself as something other than dueling mother and career woman, begins to build.
Since reading about a stranger seems a bit... odd, perhaps its best if I share a bit about myself. I am a full-time lover of the Lord. He has graciously blessed and entrusted me with a wonderful husband, after a righteous-hot-mess of a poorly-chosen first marriage. Over the past 14 years, we have been busy blending a family of four children; two from each of our former marriages. Although from different DNA, all 4 kids resemble one another so much that for the last 14 years, well-meaning fellow grocery shoppers frequently exclaimed "Are they quadruplets?!?!?!" After the first 5 years of trying to answer this rhetorical question, I learned just nod and smile. Three of our children are the same age (19) and one not far behind (17). Three beautiful and internally lovely young ladies and one handsome and a generous, kind, faith-filled young man. The oldest and youngest, girls, are from my first marriage; beautiful, living, breathing, walking daily reminders that God really does bring forth beauty from ashes. A set of incredibly different boy-girl twins from my husband's first marriage complete the party of 6. I'm still amazed that God chose someone like me to love and help raise such amazing young people, but He did, and I am eternally grateful; my life would be incomplete without them.
The three oldest are either in college and doing their life-thing, still officially hanging their hat at home, but rarely seen there. The youngest is involved in everything under the sun and is gone more than the college kids. They are all independent now, and don't "need" much from me these days. Gone are the hectic after work hours of school pick-ups, projects, after-school activities, and homework. Now its a pop-in here or there with a quick question, sometimes, if I'm lucky, they'll ask my advise about a decision they need to make, provided it's the "Cliff Notes" answer. So, here I am... alone with my thoughts... a lot!
Motherhood calls women to "put off me and put on my kids." I found it the most rewarding, most important, and often unappreciated job ever. But, seeing them now as young adults, making good life choices, loving God with abandon, and changing the world, I know every moment was an effort well spent!
These days, with such a huge portion of my daily routine no longer necessary, I find myself a little bit UNDEFINED. So here's where the blog comes in. Self Discovery! I used to be interesting, I think... but back then, I was also naive and often selfish. Not that all that much has changed (except for the young part). I used to do so many interesting things that made me interesting. I want to be interesting and intriguing again.
So, this blog marks my journey in discovering me - this 43 year old with a lifetime ahead of her! Let's figure this out!
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